Rabbit Hole
by MariusDarkwolf
Summary: This is where those odd little ideas I wake up with are going to be put. If anyone wants to use something they find in here as part of something bigger, just ask and give me credit. There will be offensive material in here, you have been warned.
1. Death of the Potter Family

Disclaimer: I am not JKR, and do not own Harry Potter

This little story just wouldn't leave me alone, hopefully now that it's been written down, it will let me work on my main story.

This story will probably offend a few people. I'm sorry for that, but I will say if you don't like it, don't read it, and definitely don't flame me. This thing practically wrote itself, and it wouldn't leave me alone.

This has nothing to do with my main story. Just a drabble.

Rated M for adult content, no lemons but very frank discussions about the differences in wizarding biology.

/\/\/\/\/\/\

**End of the Potter Family?**

"And do you, Harry Potter take Hermione Granger as your wedded wife? In sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, swearing to forsake all others until death do you part?" Asked the chaplain

Harry replied firmly "I do"

"I now pronounce you Man and Wife, you may kiss the bride" said the chaplain

/\/\/\/\

After completely enjoying her wedding night, Hermione Potter awoke alone in a cold bed. Feeling confused and wondering where her new husband was, Hermione climbed out of bed. Pulling on a dressing robe, she went in search of Harry.

After looking through the kitchen and sitting room, Hermione found Harry curled up in one of the wing back chairs sitting in front of the fireplace in their den. Seeing the red rimmed eyes, and tear tracks down his face, Hermione was instantly concerned. What could possibly have happened to him in the few short hours since their wedding to cause Harry to go from overjoyed to emotionally ruined.

"Harry, honey what's wrong?" Hermione asked concern filling her voice, as she slowly approached her husband.

Harry looked up at his new wife, with eyes filled with heartbreak and loss. "Who was it Hermione?" he asked in a voice filled with grief. "Why didn't you tell me, did you hate me that much?"

Hermione instantly stopped, the feeling of pain at this sudden attack felt like a knife to the heart. "Harry? How could you? You know I love you. And what do you mean who was it?" Hermione asked in both confusion and pain.

In his pain filled voice, Harry replied "How could I? Hermione, you've killed my family. I just want to know who was so much more important that you would allow their line to continue, and why you couldn't have told me before our wedding. We could have figured something out."

Hermione looked at Harry in utter confusion. "What do you mean I've killed your family Harry? That was Voldemort that killed your parents."

Harry shook his head a bit, then replied "Hermione, I know Madam Pomfrey gave you that book on wizarding biology in second year. She gave it to everyone. Just tell me who it was. I forgive you, I love you too much not too, I just want to know who was so much more important to you."

Hermione looked at Harry in shock. "Harry, you know you're the most important person in my life, that's why I married you. I'm not understanding what you mean by who it was. Who was whom?

In a voice dead of all emotion, Harry replied "You want me to be blunt then. Who did you give your virginity to Hermione, and why didn't you tell me before our wedding?"

At that question and the accusation in it, Hermione gasped, then replied in an angry tone. "YOU Harry, I gave YOU my virginity!"

Looking at Hermione, the sadness and grief still haunting his eyes, Harry replied softly. "Hermione, I love you, and I told you I forgive you, please don't lie to me. You weren't a virgin when you came to my bed. I know this because of two things. The lack of a hymen, and the fact that I'm still sterile."

With this revelation, Hermione dropped to the couch she had been standing near like a puppet with the strings cut. In a hushed tone, Hermione asked "You're still sterile? What do you mean sterile?"

At her question, a light of understanding flashed through Harry's eyes, "You never read the book did you? The one book that is so vital to every witch and wizard that it is GIVEN to them by a healer, and you never read it." Harry asked incredulously.

Harry reached under his chair and threw a small book onto the couch next to Hermione. "Read that Hermione, specifically chapter 3 and Chapter 4"

Hermione opened the book, and read the indicated chapters. Reading chapter 3 she learned that a male wizard is incapable of producing sperm until his first encounter with maiden blood. Chapter 4 taught her that maiden blood was so important for wizarding reproduction that the magic within a witches body would prevent the accidental rupturing of her hymen. The only way a witch could lose her virginity would be through an intentional act.

As she finished the two chapters, Hermione felt the blood draining from her face, as she realized what had happened. In her disdain for the apparent backwardness of wizarding culture, Hermione had neglected to read the book when she received it, believing that her muggle education in biology was more advanced regarding humans.

Seeing the look of understanding and horror in Hermione's eyes, Harry replied. "Now you understand my question Hermione. Who was it? I just want to know."

Realizing that her arrogance, and fear of discomfort had ended any hope of that the man she loved could ever have the family that he had wanted his entire life. With tears rolling down her own face, Hermione replied. "Harry I swear to you that before our wedding night, I had never slept with, nor had sex with anyone. I have saved myself for you since our first year." Gathering her courage and taking a deep breath, she continued "I read up a lot about sex, and everything that I had read said that a woman's first time can be painful. Knowing that, two days before our wedding, I went to my Gynecologist and had her cut my hymen. It's a muggle procedure that some women go through so that they don't have to worry about their first times hurting and they can enjoy it."

"Hermione, there are charms that remove that pain. I just wish you could have talked with me about this. Because you were embarssed to talk with me about our first time, about something so truly precious, the Potter name will end with us." Harry said sadly before turning back to stare into the fire.

* * *

I've read a few stories lately about Hermione using verious toys or the like for one reason or another before hooking up with Harry. Those stories started me thinking, what if there was an unexpected side effect of this. That caused this little bugger to be written.


	2. Oh don't have kittens over it

I blame ThePassat for this one, well ThePassat and Luna. Mostly Luna really. She set her Wrackspurts on me.

This is set in my Eyes of the Serpent universe.

I do not own the HP universe or any part of it. And I am not JKR, she wouldn't write something like this.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

**Oh Don't have Kittens over it**

/\/\/\

Sirius Black was roaming the vaunted halls of Hogwarts once more. He-who-Marauds-on-Padded-foot was back, and looking for someone to have a little fun with. His god-pup had turned out to be a pretty amazing kid. Somehow talking Dumbledore into allowing him to bring more than just the one pet to Hogwarts and thus allowing Sirius to sneak in. And the best thing was that nobody would possibly suspect that Harry's extremely overprotective guard dog was the supposed mass murder that was thought to be after him. _"Heh you know if this had been intentional on Harry's part, it would be enough to earn him membership into the Marauders on it's own. The level of prank involved is unreal. Too bad. Oh shite is that McGonagall. And she's in her Animagus form. Hehehe, I can't pass this up._ Thought Sirius to himself.

Slipping into a shadowed Alcove the grim reverted back to human form, and watched as the stripped tabby slinked past him, patrolling the halls. Just as she passed the alcove Sirius had hidden himself in, he waved his wand, and conjured an enormous pile of catnip directly on top of McGonagall's feline form.

From out of the shadows, a ginger blur leapt into the pile of catnip. _"Was that Crookshanks?"_ Sirius thought.

All of the sudden Sirius heard the most disturbing sound possible. The sound of a cat in heat, and the sound was coming from the pile of catnip.

"Crookshanks, um, buddy, you need to come away from there. Like right now." The sound changed to something that was far more disturbing

"Okay, yeah, Oh Merlin." Sirius said, turning green, before he shifted back into his dog form and hauled tail back to the Gryffindor dorms.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The next morning an extremely red-faced McGonagall entered the Gryffindor dorms carrying a rather blissed out pile of ginger fur.

Hermione was just coming down the stairs to wait for her Fiance Harry.

"Professor, you found Crookshanks, where was he? I was looking for him half the night. He just disappeared with Snuffles. Snuffles came back around 10, but we couldn't find Crookshanks and it was after curfew." Hermione said with a mixture of concern and happiness.

McGonagall's face turned even redder, if that were possible. "Ms. Granger, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to ask you to keep your familiar in the dorms from now on, please don't let him wander."

Hermione looked confused at this request, but agreed readily.

/\/\/\/\/\/

As the Christmas Holiday approached, Professor McGonagall began to notice that she was drinking more cream and less milk or even tea. She had also noticed that she was extremely nauseous the first thing in the morning and cream was the only thing that seemed to settle her stomach.

Concerned about her health, she decided to go see the school's healer that Saturday.

As she sat discussing her symptoms with Madam Pomphrey, the healer got more and more concerned. Casting a specific diagnostic charm, she was shocked at what she learned, amused, but shocked

*snicker, snicker, snicker*

"Poppy what in Merlin's name has gotten into you?" Minerva asked in a bit of an upset tone.

"Well you know how whenever I have to tell you something that tends to stress you out, I preface it with 'Now don't have Kittens over this'?" Poppy replied while fighting not to laugh.

"Yeeeeees" McGonagall hissed out.

*snicker*"Weeeell I can't do that this time. Because I can say with total honesty, though not a straight face if I tried. You're gonna have Kittens when I tell you this." Poppy said, trying as hard as possible not to burst into out right laughter at her friend's predicament.

"Poppy, the jokes getting old rather quickly. Get to the point." Minerva said getting even angrier.

*snicker*"Oh I made my point. You see Minnie, you really are going to have kittens. You're pregnant, and there's Kneezle DNA in there some how. Something you want to tell me?" Poppy said before losing the battle against full on laughter.

McGonagall's bellow of "GRAAAAAANGER!" somehow just made the whole thing even funnier to Poppy.

/\/\/\/\/

The day after Christmas Holidays, Hermione knocked on her favorite teachers door. "Enter" came McGonagall's voice

Hermione opened the door, and went in, closely followed by Harry and Snuffles.

"Ah Ms. Granger, Lord Potter, please be seated." McGonagall said a bit crossly

After sitting themselves, Hermione asked "Professor, why did I receive a bill from you for medical expenses and a presumptive child support claim?" in a confused tone?

"Because Ms. Granger, your damned kneezle took advantage of me while I was under the influence of catnip whilst in my animagus form. Poppy was nearly as surprised as I was to find out that could cause a cross species match". McGonagall snapped

Hermione fainted dead away. Harry was worried about both his girlfriend and his dog. Hermione had just passed out, and his dog sounded like it was choking on something.

After making sure Hermione was as comfortable as possible on the floor, Harry turned to his dog, after slapping him on the back a few times, it seems Snuffles had dislodged what ever was causing him to choke. Harry turned back to McGonagall and said somewhat harshly. "Look I'm sorry for whatever happened, but look at Hermione, she's passed out, you don't have to have kittens about it."

Hearing what he had just said, and watching McGonagall's face go pale, Harry added two and two together and flushed a deep crimson. "Oh Bollocks, you are aren't you." suddenly Harry found himself very faint and dizzy. "I think I'll just take a lie down thank you" as he slumped to the floor next to his girlfriend.


	3. Defense Club

What if this was the contract Hermione had every one sign in 5thyear. A more "interesting" idea for the DA

debating making something out of this. If anyone wants to use this, I just ask you tell me, so I can read it. Do ask that it either be harmony, or no mention of ships

**The Rules of Defense Club**

1st RULE: You do not talk about DEFENSE CLUB.

2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about DEFENSECLUB.

3rd RULE: If someone says "stop" or goes limp, or lowers their wand the duel is over.

4th RULE: Only two people to a duel.

5th RULE: One duel at a time.

6th RULE: No weapons, no Unforgivables.

7th RULE: Duels will go on as long as they have to.

8th RULE: If this is your first night at DEFENSE CLUB, you HAVE to duel.

With a Defense Association like this, Umbridge wouldn't stand a chance, there likely would have been more people at the Battle of the Ministry, and the DE's and Moldy Voldy wouldn't stand a chance.


End file.
